I'm done.

I'm feeling a little anger. And frustration. And longing.
I hate this world. I hate what it's made us into. I hate the destruction and the corruption. I hate the loss of innocence. I hate the scandals and lusts and unlawful, wonton desires. I hate what men and women become.

I hate it. What has the world done to us but chip away our innocence and value and replace it with sin? This world is headed towards destruction, yet it will not turn away. I'm tired. I'm tired of it. These fleeting, yet persistent, jealousies and enviousness of a life that is not my own. Wanting to belong? To be cool? To be special?

Belong where? Cool how? Special in what way?

I'm done. I'm done with this world. I'm done with myself.

I will remind myself of this truth: I HAVE DIED WITH CHRIST.

What joyous news. I want to be known for one thing - one thing only. For the preaching of the Gospel and for being led by the Spirit. I want to be marked by suffering. I don't want a part of this world anymore, I forfeit it.

If I have no talents, no ability to sing or dance, to write or play, no beauty or intelligence to speak of; I'll praise GOD all the more! What better way to place my hope in the kingdom to come where I will inherit perfection.

There is real spiritual warfare. Pick up your armor. Clench onto that shield. Ready your sword. The devil's flaming darts are firing with no regard for your acknowledgment/ignorance of them. You must stand. In the evil day. You must stand.

I want to experience greater things. To know the power of the Spirit. It's power. I want to proclaim the Gospel of Christ and have the word sent out and return with power for the name of Jesus.

One thing I feel I must confess. A great weakness of mine? A fragile, immature heart. Hurt, pain, suffering. Abandonment, loneliness, frustration. I am so susceptible to hurtful words, to inconsiderations, to the lies and the rot of the devil.

I will live a "mediocre" life. I will be un-famous and fade away from this life without much acknowledgement or lasting achievements. I won't look for it. I refuse. Nothing in this life is worth anything.

I will live for the sake of the Gospel. I will live sacrificially. I will (probably) marry and disciple a family into following and waiting for Jesus. I will bear poverty, sickness, and defeats. I will do all things through God who strengthens me.

In the end, I will inherit the kingdom. I will sit with Jesus on this throne. I will receive a new name. I will have robes of righteousness. I will receive everlasting life in a perfect body to dwell with God forever on the new earth.

I will do everything in my ability to be faithful with my talents. I will love Jesus with all my heart, strength, mind, and soul. Everything to You I give Jesus.